5 point Solution to Economic Recession- By Abhishek Iyengar

http://thoughtsunparalleled.wordpress.com

Do you run a company or manage a crunching position in your company that is being buried under terrible economic turmoil, ah! are you planning to sue your staff? well there might be a different approach to bring some money into the company, confused? huh! well Abhishek’s 5 point solution throws some light back on the company and it is very simple and ya there is no need for you to fire your beloved staff! ah! well here it is for the first time on record, note it is available for free! ok her you go

1. All the entry points to the company are Tolled:- Yes! it works if your company has a biometric installed, then it works in a more natural way! all that you need to do is draw a system where the first entry into the company i.e. morning is charged 20/- R.S and rest all other entries is charged 5 to 10 r.s. depending upon your need! just calculate yourself, on an average any male employee who is a ardent smoker atleast goes out of the company for a minimum of 5 times and if you charge every entry,bingo! your financial problems are solved, believe me!

2.Vending machines err! Containers:- are you still giving out free coffee? ah! huh! well that needs a check now! come on! it is “Global Economic Slowdown” here it is remove your Vending machines and keep huge Coffee making containers! ask your employees to get their own 100 gm coffee powder for their daily ‘Breakfast-coffee’,'lunch-coffee’,'post-lunch coffee’,'pre-snack coffee’ ah! that goes on, also instruct your employees to bring in their own milk and all that they need to do is pour the powder and milk and make their own coffee, wait! if that looks shabby then start selling the milk and the powder at a subsidized rate outside the cafe! it works! the employees feel that they are being offered fresh coffee and financially you make millions! there you go problem solved!

3. Free parking uh! Pay and Park:- The title says it all, you have a huge IT park rented, green lush gardens, sprinklers all over and a wide area of parking space! and it is for free? no! start charging your employees charge the parking fess for 8 hours, make your employees sit for more than 10 hours! I know even if there is no project make them sit! and charge for the extra hours. well this has multiple advantages! because of gamy parking fees! your employees might take the option of using your office bus! now start charging the office transport which gives you enough income and think of the city! your CSR department will be flying in air, your company is now pushing the employees for a pool transport thus reducing both traffic and pollution! and no one would object to it as it has the “Social” tag to it. This should work for you!

If by now your company doesn’t get enough what it wants then here you go for the final Kill!

5. candle light work:- Thousands of employees sit on front of the system doing nothing but chatting and browsing idiotic stuff on google, no matter how much you try to block their access there is always a method to sneak into it, so what is the need of lights? switch it off ask your employees to carry candles, light them and each cubicle would be lit separately depending upon their needs! if not required they can just blow it off and sleep! it works ! and what’s more start selling candles at a subsidiary rates in your company , if in case the employee fails or finishes his candles he can just buy at your store! and yet again your CSR will fly, your company is ‘going green’ you are protecting the environment! the ozone layer is saved because of you! voila! you are covered on the front page of times magazine!

Now for the final kill, after all these if your company feels the recession then no need to press the panic button,

5. Pay and use:- got it? if not then get the sulabh people on board, make your rest rooms and toilets accountable, charge them! ya! sounda hard but got to do! just count the average rest room visits in one day by your employee, if you start charging each visit then you can beat the recession easily, leave the present one, you can even beat the coming recessions easily! Ah! beware if your employees start going out then the lost money can be collected from the toll gate, they are trapped!

So there you go! my hard thought, researched and analyzed 5 point solution to solve the recession, it is basically better than throwing out your employees or pushing them in a pool or even going to the extent of not paying them the salaries. As some of the greats of the industry said “look for money making opportunities!” err! did they really tell this? well try making money from your employees than they making from you!

P.S:- In case any company really implies this, then the blog or myself are not responsible for the horrifying anger of the employees.

P.S1:_ If companies do implement this, then the ideas are copy righted, patented and I wouldn’t mind selling them to improve my own economic situation