My affair with Insomnia

Shrinivas
from Mumbai
12 years ago

 I cannot sleep.  Insomnia is the name of the girl I went to sleep with. She has me under her spell, every night,   no matter how much I fight, she takes me through hell....  Much like a bad habit, I go back to her every night....     It is 1 am, I cannot sleep,  Every time I close my eyes,   Into my thoughts you creep....  Moving along in the mysterious ebb of night, With a thousand thoughts in my head, Why do I wander aimlessly, without putting up a fight. I hear someone pound the door... Wait, is it the door? No, my mind is playing a trick, as the clock continues to click Why this restlessness, why this confusion? Why this state of mind? This kamikaze of thoughts will destroy me.  I’m trying to find something, an answer? There is a face around the corner,  smiling at me, sticking it's tongue out, Mocking at me, asking me to go behind it.... I know, no matter how fast I run, I cannot catch up. There are times when a feeling of expectancy comes to me,   as if something is there, beneath the surface of my understanding, waiting for me to grasp it.  It is the same tantalizing sensation when you almost remember a name, but don't quite reach it.  I yearn to see dreams that I saw as a kid, when these thoughts were non-existent, there was a sense of calmness in my head.... Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me  and I will see the other side of this, and then I'll laugh and close my eyes and wait for sleep....

wait for dreams of my childhood, long since forgotten........

 

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