"Looking for feedback on My First Try at Story Writing"

Good writings comes from reading. I mean lot of reading from different styles of authors. I hope you continue to read as well while to you write. There is a tendency to get heavily influenced by what we are currently reading. In order to remain objective, always challenge the views of the author you reading. That will help you develop your style. Else people will read Paulo Coehlo  not Vishnu?

@Lalit  

Thanks a lot for the feedback...Thats true,Im influenced a litttle by Paulo coelho and i 'll make it a point to come out of that.I nomally read variety of authors  and  see in which perspective they write.I'm paying attenton and soon i will come up with what you suggested i.e my own writing style...Glad that yo gave me a wonderful suggestion.

Thanks for ur valuable  time and concern...

Hi..This is Vishnu.I have been blogging for a year.I try things i have never tried before  and i try to expand my skills.From the feedbacks i get from my friends,i try to rectify my mistakes.But i thought if can get feedbacks and suggestions from professsional bloggers and thats why I'm here.If you could go through the blog  and give me feedback it will be helpful and i will be very glad..

My blog @ http://www.vishnu24.blogspot.com

This one is my First try at Fiction.If you could g through that and comment on the presentation and narration i'll be more thankful.Story or content wise it may not be great but i wanna know how would you rate it on presentation and the way it was written.

http://vishnu24.blogspot.com/p/my-first-try-at-story-writing.html