Trust takes years to build, but seconds to Break

When Madhav told those poor and old parents about how her daughter could earn and send them money at the same time too, they readily agreed to let her daughter accompany him to the city. After a long time, her parents were actually feeling better. Madhav was like GOD’s own child. He had been like the idle “Babu” as we say it in the suburbs. He was among the richest in the village and people knew him for some business he had in the city. Anyway, her daughter went to the city with him

Days passed and things were going well. But their daughter wouldn’t call. Parents received the money on the first day of every month. They thought that her daughter was earning well and must have been busy. It was only later that the old parents found out that whom they once regarded as the “messiah” and God’s own son, was actually a snake in the grass. He had pushed their daughter into the marsh of prostitution.

What consequence did it have? It broke the trust of the people in the suburbs, who thought that times had changed! It took years for them to trust the changing environment, change the patriarchal mindset giving preference to a male child, that cities had actually become a place of equal opportunities for girls. Will it change? Well, a trust broken once, takes some time to heel back. It broke the trust of all those parents, who thought their daughters could earn in the cities. It broke the trust in the “cities” too, which people considered as a place where just another “Raju” could become a gentlemen, and just another Preeti could be lady!

Trust is like a paper. Once it is crumbled, it can never be perfect again. It’s like a flame. You need to let it glow with all the “oxygen” of truth in it, or see it vanish with a cup of lies. It holds water in the different dimensions of the living world.

One of the most important attributes of a “better” relationship is trust. Trust is the glue of life. It’s actually the most important ingredient in an effective communication – the manifestation of a healthy relationship is supported on the threads of trust. Relationship here doesn’t mean merely about a girlfriend and a boyfriend or a husband and wife share, it’s about every relationship. A father would always give his son a hefty amount as pocket money, because he knows he swore on him once that he doesn’t smoke –  he trusts him of not swearing a false lie on him. A women out of trust wouldn’t question his counselor husband if he leaves at midnight to counsel his female client. Why? Trust. This letter word may be smaller with those characters, but has a deeper meaning imbibed.

But have you thought how will one father react if he gets to know that the thing for which he trusted you so much, the same thing was being committed by you too much too often? Will you be ever able to ask forgiveness from your wife when she gets to know that you used her trust to be in an extra marital affair with your client? Of course you wouldn’t.

Trust issues can arise in professional life as well. It takes some time till the manager of the company starts to recognize your work, that he starts appreciating your efforts. But this trust may blow off immediately if at any instance you start to bluff and make plagiarized reports. This leads to recognizing another dimension accompanying mistrust. The manager may question all your works hither to. All the hard work till now, vanishes just by that one stray incidence. He questions you for each time you submitted your complete report. What can be worse than this? Chances are low that you may ever be able to build that broken trust again. So, it’s better to be ethical and moral each time you are required to prove yourselves, because a trust broken once takes something hard from you to come out.

Trust need not be a car without fuel, as an empty car can be used to stay but never to move forward. We trust someone because we think that what he does won’t leave us vulnerable, rather, will bring in a betterment of the society as a whole. That our mandate of trust that we bestow on him/her/it would be better if not best. The same thinking is followed while we vote. We accept the manifesto’s promises, get swayed by it and give our consent to a particular party. So basically, the party won the “trust”, the trust which it gains after a hard work of winning the people, taking 5 years minimum as for our country. But the outcome isn’t on the expected lines. We tend to get bored, or rather feel “mis-trusted” by the ruling power, every time. Is is really mistrust? Maybe. But one thing is for sure – once you loose that mandate, it may take years again to win it back – or you may never get it back.

This is how diplomacy goes too. Diplomacy goes on this thin line of trust – although it is always said to “NEVER TRUST A POWER IN DIPLOMACY”. But if this was the case, the world wouldn’t be as free and liberalized as it is now. For example, the recent surge in the “negativity” for our Indian government that is quite evident from the social platforms regarding how the “people-to-people” contact between India Nepal is going clearly goes in line with the quote. India-Nepal signed the Treaty of Friendship in 1950, just after India became a democracy, and since then friendship only knew the “growing side”, but what happened after the accused unofficial blockage made the people there anti-Indian government. Although there are many other unclear pictures involved, the broader picture is – India is being hated to some extent by the people in Nepal. It’s strange how people can forget just a month old help that knocked their door after the earthquake crisis- But a broken trust is a broken trust!

Apparently, trust has a spiritual element too. The trust in GOD. Any form of worship, be it from the deists, pantheists or those of the panentheistic character – everyone believes that GOD is present. Even if a person is an atheist, he indirectly acknowledges the fact that there is a pre-established harmony that is being accompanied by someone other than nature- the testimony being some unanswered questions about nature. These atheists(mostly) always appreciate the good things that happen in their life. But there are always some people who are quite vocal about how GOD broke his trust while the earth shatters, they are low with grades or when financially weak. It’s strange how trust of one moment changes into a mistrust in the other.

Is trust always earned in years? According to the abstract in the beginning, this may not be completely true. There are certain needs where you need to trust someone, only because you are tied by this social string which obligates you to have a better life, and may be the opportunity you are given is the only opportunity to come. What it means is, there are always certain circumstances, like when you have no other option but to trust a man who has an umbrella while you are stuck in a rain, or trust a stranger giving you water when you are very thirsty with no source of water!

What we concluded till now is that trust is actually a very fragile attribute in a relationship, that once it is broken, it takes some more years or even a lifetime to mend. But why to trust someone blindly? Every attribute has certain objections, little criticism and a certain lining which shouldn’t be crossed. We need to make sure we don’t cross this line. We can always trust someone relatively, i.e “more than someone”, but trusting someone blindly, you are ought to get hurt – be it in seconds or after years.

How can we make sure we win back someone’s trust? First thing first- you need to apologize. Show him what he/she means to you. If you are on the other side- forgive him. God regards the forgiver more than the one who commits the sin. You could write him, sing for him, or try to make it up with you expression. Also, this time, you need to be more honest – infact, only honest with you confession. Pray. This is important too.

While being important, trust has its own dangers. Firstly, it is paramount because as it helps us building stronger relationships with people – help us grow in it. But the fact that trust also involves the risk that people we trust may not be worth out trust – that our trust may go in vain only for us to be on the loosing side. But do we actually loose? Not completely. It is better to get your trust broken at an early stage and that you become aware than waiting for the final ounce till the very end only to get hurt like never before. But we need to realize that the reason is because of “US”. We need to understand the types of people we meet, to judge people, analyze people before we gain trust in them. We need not do it in the first instance, and should take years to build it- this time not to loose it in seconds.